March 18, 2005


everything is gonna be alright...

things are not great. but... i suppose they're looking up. i'm still a sniveling snot-nosed mess every now and then, but on rachael's advice, i've decided to just embrace it. if i want to cry every night, i'm GOING to!

in terms of the situation with HIM, things have gotten much worse. for some reason everyone in the world seems to have regressed to about a 7th grade level these days. he's mad at me for 'stealing' his friends (can i help it that he's a dismal bastard and no one wants to be around him?), he made a post on his journal stating that i should just "get over it, and quit lying and looking for attention". and i was going to go to his band's first big show tomorrow night anyway to show my support for the other guys... but his 'ex' wrote me a threatening email, stating that i'd better not show my 'fat fucking face' at the club.

in other news, i've been kissed twice in the last week. both people that i've known for a while, and have always sort of 'begninly' (sp?) flirted with. both involved going out to a bar with said person, drinking a little too much... and admitting that we've been flirting with eachother all this time. i'm quite certain nothing will come of either event... but it's been an enormous ego boost, knowing that TWO people in this world still want me, so i cant be all that terrible, right?

my cousin tried to set me up on a date wednesday night, and while i can totaly see why she thought we'd get along well (and we did! like... old friends. no spark) it made me realize i'm totaly... totaly not ready for that. i ended up thinking about mr. ex a few times too many, and had a rediculous bawl-fest when i got home. even contemplated calling him, but i knew that would only make things worse. he's made it quite clear he never wants me to call him again.

um... knitting content
it's been a bit soap-opera-ish around here lately, hasnt it? well... i guess that's just where my brain's been lately. on a complete roller-coaster mind-fuck. it seems like every man around me these days is "on the wank". (i believe that was coined by rabbitch? THANK YOU. i almost spit tea on the computer when reading that entry.)

but! there IS knitting news. or... non-news. i've now ripped out my noro transitions for the SIXTH TIME. at first it was four different attempts at the 'perfect scarf'. when i finally admitted that i like much more light-weight drapey scarves (enter clapotis) i decided it would become a shrug-ish-thing. i'm not even counting the dozens of times i got 3 or 4" into the sleeve (i'm working side-to-side) only to HATE the cuff. two 'real' attempts at a shrug later, and i still hadn't found just the right thing. what to do, what to do? my next attempt will be a k2p1 allover rib with no cuff. maybe that'll do the trick?

i have, however, made monstrous progress on my iro wrap. i hated the old size AND gague, ripped it out completely last sunday, went up a needle size and one additional square (entrelac)... and now i'm back to right where i was when i ripped! some day i'll have a finished project to show for all my efforts :)

thank you, thank you everyday for all your kind words and RAOK's! (more on that to come tomorrow.) you'll never know how much all of your words have meant to me, especially rachael. thank you thank you thank you thank you, world of knit-bloggers. i'm so glad i found you folks.

Your questions are up!
I've been a lurker of your blog for awhile. But given the recent drama your ex has forced you into, I finally had to speak up and remind you what a catch you are! So sorry to hear that you have to be put up such childish behavior from the ex. It's never easy...but keep up with those ego-boosts!

I'll leave you with the advice that always gets me through these situations "The best revenge is to live life to it's fullest."

Ive just stumbled upon your blog recently and after reading the extent of your ordeal i felt like i had to leave you a message! im so sorry to hear that it is on going, i really hope things start improving for you soon.
Us knitters gotta stick together! keep your chin up!
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