March 08, 2005


stick to routine.

same place, same hello same goodbye helps you get through beat-up insides.
-alkaline trio

ladies and gentlemen, i have been dumped.

not the kind of dumped where... you saw it coming and half expected it. you were going to say something yourself, but he got to it first.

the kind of dumped where you thought everything was fantastic. you were talking about a future together just days before. you were completely in love. he had convinced you that he was also in love, and told you that you never needed to worry about losing him.

the kind of dumped where he's not even the person you met any more, and you cant even be angry because you're so worried about him. where you're considering calling his mom, or his sister, because it doesnt matter if he hates you any more.

well... ok so that was a little too much information but... i had to get it off my chest.

i started, and finished, a noro transitions scarf last night. i find that somewhat symbolic. i have the urge to call him at least once an hour, and i find that keeping my hands moving keeps me from giving in to that. i spent all day with my little brother, and managed to make it through. one day at a time, right?

i've been crying on and off, and i have a feeling i will continue to do so for a while. i've been with boyfriends 3x longer than this, but it was never anything real. this was something i could believe in, and still do. i dont get the feeling that it's done... but i know he's in a dark place, and needs lots of time to heal and learn to face his problems instead of pushing them away. and i know that's going to involve a lot of hurting for me in the meantime.

the only thing that seems to help? family, and knitting. i may even get my sockapalooza socks done in time.

i'm sorry i've gone so completely off-topic with this post. i really dont want every single one of my friends calling me wanting to know what happened (we've been hearing from day one how perfect we are together, i'm sure this will spark some confusion), so i'm not posting this on my regular journal just yet. but i had to get it out SOMEWHERE... i feel like i should be dying, but somehow i'm still here, so i'm going to keep knitting.

yah know i've only just gotten to know you and i'm hurting with you!
it's your blog and you can vent if you want to! cry all you want! this sucks!
ok i'm not helping so i'll go! :(
Damn, that's rough. I'm so sorry!
Alice - that stinks. I am sorry he blindsided you like that, and I am glad you have family and friends to turn to. Take care of yourself.
keep knitting. that sucks that you are hurting so badly, and that you don't know what's going on in his head, but it sounds like you have some good ways to take care of yourself.
Now is time for you to just live for you, to just knit for you.

Man, being selfish after seeing a future of loving and caring and giving really sucks. Yeah.

I hold fast to the theory that for each one that goes away, there is a better one coming along. And as amazing as this relationship is, the life-long relationship you will get will be even more amazing!
I think you are still young; and love will happen in it's own good time, with it's own good plan.

Still, though....
You are strong, your broken heart won´t let you down ... hugs from SP4
So sorry! Being blindsided truly sucks! Just know that eventually things will work out for the good, one way or another.

Sorry for the platitude...always feel like I should say something but never know the right thing!

Just know there are people in the blog-o-sphere thinking about you!


PS LOVE your blog!! Rants and all! :)
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