the yarNerd!

same place, same hello same goodbye helps you get through beat-up insides.
-alkaline trio

ladies and gentlemen, i have been dumped.

not the kind of dumped where... you saw it coming and half expected it. you were going to say something yourself, but he got to it first.

the kind of dumped where you thought everything was fantastic. you were talking about a future together just days before. you were completely in love. he had convinced you that he was also in love, and told you that you never needed to worry about losing him.

the kind of dumped where he's not even the person you met any more, and you cant even be angry because you're so worried about him. where you're considering calling his mom, or his sister, because it doesnt matter if he hates you any more.

well... ok so that was a little too much information but... i had to get it off my chest.

i started, and finished, a noro transitions scarf last night. i find that somewhat symbolic. i have the urge to call him at least once an hour, and i find that keeping my hands moving keeps me from giving in to that. i spent all day with my little brother, and managed to make it through. one day at a time, right?

i've been crying on and off, and i have a feeling i will continue to do so for a while. i've been with boyfriends 3x longer than this, but it was never anything real. this was something i could believe in, and still do. i dont get the feeling that it's done... but i know he's in a dark place, and needs lots of time to heal and learn to face his problems instead of pushing them away. and i know that's going to involve a lot of hurting for me in the meantime.

the only thing that seems to help? family, and knitting. i may even get my sockapalooza socks done in time.

i'm sorry i've gone so completely off-topic with this post. i really dont want every single one of my friends calling me wanting to know what happened (we've been hearing from day one how perfect we are together, i'm sure this will spark some confusion), so i'm not posting this on my regular journal just yet. but i had to get it out SOMEWHERE... i feel like i should be dying, but somehow i'm still here, so i'm going to keep knitting.