the yarNerd!

i want to go on a date.

it should be one of those occasions where you're expected to dress up, but not TOO much. a 'little black dress' kind of night. with just the right hand-knit wrap over it ;) of course. where i get picked up at 7 and taken out to dinner, a restaurant with low lights and candles on the table. where he'd hold doors for me.

would you believe i've never had a DATE.

every man i've ever 'dated', it never ever started like that. ok, i know thats normal. but... i dunno, i just feel like i've somehow missed out on something. Asshat (thank you nipper, i'll call him that forever-more) was supposed to take me on a 'date' once... however, i had to drive out to riverhead to meet him at his place, and when i got there he asked if i minded if Kevin came along, cause he was kind of bored and looking for something to do. so the three of us went to fridays... and i perched on one of those tall chairs in my skirt and heels and FISHNET stockings. now, i could've said no, he was genuinely asking if it would bother me if kevin came to dinner... but i felt bad for kevin as he had just had a rediculous nuclear-fall-out kind of fight with his parents and was driving around with nowhere to go. so i'm not blaming anyone here... just... even though i've tried a couple of times with people i was already dating, i've never had one of those DATES.

it's been exactly a month since the complete 18-wheeler-out-of-nowhere blindsiding. and no, i'm not over him... but i'm over IT. if that makes sense. i'm willing, and ready, to date again. hell, i'm not only willing, i'm eager! but, how exactly does one accomplish that? hah. turn on the 'vacancies' sign at the end of my driveway? (oh dear, but that does paint an interesting picture...)

here's the thing. i always, always wanted to be the young mom. i always pictured myself as the smart, educated woman who fell in love, got married young, and started a family. hell, that's part of why i chose a career like massage therapy. i can still be a working woman without leaving my children with someone else to raise (some day). it's part of why my other goal in life is to eventually become a midwife, too. it's all part of the plan... hah. only problem is... well, i cant really make the family stuff happen on my own... heh.

i read about all you lovely ladies, and your DH's, and sons, and daughters, and the freshly pregnant ones ripening with spring out there... (congrats!!!) and i cant help but be jealous. but jealous in a happy kind of way, like... it's something i have to look forward to some day.

on that note, that brings me to the contest i'll be starting this weekend. rebecca, you already know what i'm talking about ;) the rest of you, check back soon to find out!